I’m in the process of writing a sermon this morning titled “Complicated Saints” and I wanted to take some time here to try and get my thoughts straight on the topic.

A little bit of background. I am a pastor of a Lutheran church, I write sermons nearly every week, and this coming Sunday is a feast day, an annual celebration known as “All Saints Sunday.” Technically All Saints Day is tomorrow, November 1st, but we often move it to the following Sunday because otherwise it’s likely that nobody would show up since most people are not in the habit of going to church during the week.

Part of the All Saints Sunday worship service is a remembrance of all the people who have died in the last year, as well as any of the people who have died in previous years that happen to be on our minds and our hearts at this time. We take time to say each name and we ring a bell after each name is read. It’s a solemn, powerful, and holy moment. This is an interesting year for me because my Dad died on the first of January this year, and so his name will be one of the names that we say during the service.

My father and I had a complicated relationship. I’ve spent a good amount of this year processing this, aided by a therapist and a spiritual director. But as we come to this day of remembrance I find myself more at peace with the complexity of our relationship. It wasn’t perfect, it was often messy, but I think all relationships are messy to some degree.

I think we often view the word “Saint” as a word that reserved only for the best of us, the people who are completely selfless, loving, kind, people who never screw anything up, who give of themselves without complaint and never let anyone down. The truth is those people don’t exist. Not really. If you look close enough at anyone you are sure to flaws of some kind. All of the saints are complicated. All have made mistakes, experienced failure, disappointed people they cared about, and weren’t always the best version of themselves. Just like my father.

We’re all complicated saints, we’re all a mixed bag and that’s what All Saints Day is really about. That no person is entirely defined by the best thing they’ve ever done nor are they defined by the worst thing they’ve ever done. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s growth. Continuing to move forward, learning from our mistakes, and trying to do the best that we can, and being willing to ask forgiveness when we fail, and offer forgiveness when others fail us.

So after nearly a year of reflecting on my relationship with my dad, our ups and our downs, the moments I treasure, and the ones that I wish I could forget, I’ve come to see him as a complicated saint just like the rest of us and I’m grateful for him.